Wanna Run?

Was your reaction, from what?

Fleet Feet on Wolf Road in Albany is starting their spring No Boundaries training program.  You pay $75 to get someone to kick your non-running butt into training so that you can run a 5K on Father’s Day.

I have to tell you, I’m sort of intrigued by this one myself.*  I’ve never been a runner. I’ve never even been tempted to run, which is saying quite a bit when I  used to live right along the NYC Marathon route in Brooklyn.  Where I was, it was early enough in the route that everyone would be relatively fresh, and there were all sorts of spunky groups wearing antlers or feather boas for fun, and people always have their names on their t-shirts so that you’ll cheer for them, and I really enjoyed going and cheering my heart out for strangers.  And then I also enjoyed going inside to warm up and eat a yummy bagel with cream cheese and perhaps take a little nap.

I’ve always said that the reason I don’t run is because it bothers my knees.  Which it does.  But at some point I realized, I think maybe it bothers everyone’s knees?  Except that all of the people who run just suck it up and take it? Is this true?  Earlier this year, I read Born to Run, and I just loved it.  It made me wish I were cool enough to run.  And I actually stopped wearing shoes while working out at home, and all sorts of crampy-achey foot issues that I’d had for years have disappeared, which is excellent.  I haven’t gotten sucked into buying a pair of Vibram Five Fingers yet, but it’s a possibility.

Anyway, I’ve been working out pretty regularly, but I feel like I’m not working out hard enough–well, and still not often enough, either, but that’s another issue.  On the few occasions I’ve attempted to run, I am doubled over and panting within moments.  I mean, it is pathetic.  Moments doesn’t mean, like, 12 minutes.  I mean, like, during the first song on my playlist.   And somehow  it’s way beyond anything that happens when I’m just at home doing jumping jacks.

Now, apparently, this whole Couch-to-5K thing is something people do with the help of the people at www.CoolRunning.Com, and that sounds like a lovely idea, and also, of course, free.  But I just don’t think that I could be sufficiently motivated by the mute computer.  I think that I need the guilt of a hectoring trainer,  the shame of spending money that will be wasted if I abandoned the project, and the companionship of people who are equally inept and whiny.   So, is there anyone out there who’s a complete non-runner who’d like to give it a try with me?

*Publicly stating that I am interested in doing this does not, in any way, mean that I am obligated to actually do it, nor does it mean that I will do it.   The only thing that it really means is that if you see me rolling my eyes at people with 26.2 oval bumper stickers on their cars, it’s because I am a teensy bit jealous.  Although, also, it’s showing off.  I mean, really. I don’t put my GRE scores on a bumper sticker.  So what if it was more than 15 years ago?  Those kind of critical thinking skills don’t just disappear, you know.  Wait, they do?  Okay, now I’m going to have to find some of that leftover chocolate cake.