“It’s Not My Time.”

Have you heard the recent chatter about Marie Kondo, who famously taught everyone to ponder whether our possessions sparked joy and specifically taught my daughters how to fold laundry? Apparently, she has “kind of given up” on being so tidy now that she has three little kids. Well, of course she has, and more power to her!

That news update reminded me of a phrase I learned from my sister many years ago. And my sister heard it from a very busy neighbor woman with a passel of kids when she’d asked about what the busy neighbor would be bringing to a potluck. Or something like that; it was one of those many obligations where every family is supposed to contribute food, or supplies, or labor. And the woman calmly replied, “Oh, it’s not my time.” No apologies or further explanations. She had plenty to do already, and really, it wouldn’t make a difference whether she brought along a covered dish. So she would not. It just wasn’t her time.

To my sister and me, this was a revelation. What wisdom! I am not one to quote Bible verses, but if I were, I think Ecclesiastes has something to say about “For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.” For that matter, so do The Byrds. But while there’s a lot of talking about planting and reaping and such, none of that was something I took quite as much to heart as a woman who planned to show up empty-handed (“arms swinging!” as my friend would say) to a potluck without apology. I’m sure that she fed many folks over the course of her lifetime, and she needed a little break. Saying no to something today or this week does not mean you are saying no to everything always. Our friend Marie sparked a great deal of joy tidying things up, but I presume that playing with the kiddos is also sparking joy.

I would have liked to have fully appreciated that wisdom when my girls were babies and toddlers, to have believed in my bones that feeding and bathing and snuggling and loving was sufficient for a day’s work. But it’s tough to know it at the time, and by the time you fully understand it, it’s long past that overwrought baby-time when you really need to take it to heart.

But I’ve been thinking about it again, because right now, it actually is my time. I have all of this found time. No more daily picking up after messes left, much less cooking and laundry, less time just chatting and hearing about the day. I’ll admit it: sometimes it’s a little lonely. Plus, I am trying to be mindful about how I use the extra time and not jump into too many new obligations all at once. But I’m also enjoying the freedom. I’m doing stuff like:

Actually going to the Schenectady Soup Stroll! This is the type of event we’d miss, year after year, because we’d be watching kids play sports, driving someone somewhere, or recovering from all of the activity. Now we are people of leisure who participate in local cultural activities. It was a beautiful day, and super-fun, but it was also a ton of people. I have learned that many people spend the afternoon sampling alcohol as well as soup. We also spotted a clever fellow who was carrying around a muffin tin to collect multiple soup tastings. Cute W and I decided that if you wanted to maximize efficiency, you could go with a group, split up into separate lines to purchase enough soup to share, then reconvene for a soup exchange. Although, let’s face it, the experience isn’t really about efficiency. One little bummer is that we didn’t actually taste the winning soup. It was Simone’s, and by the time we’d followed our own circuitous route to Jay Street, we were pretty tuckered out, and the crowds in the pedestrian zone were just too much for it. But we love Simone’s, so we’ll just order some of their soup the next time we go.

I’ve also been doing some embroidery. This was one of my early Covid coping mechanisms, and then I got a little frustrated because I’m such an old lady that I have to decide whether I want to see the embroidery or the television; my eyes can’t do both without assistance. But I was sad that I’d given it up, so I requested and received a little kit as a Christmas gift: ta-da!

The thing I like about embroidery is that you can make very pretty little flowers even if you have no artistic ability. Since finishing the little kit, I’ve been trying to come up with enough cute little flowers to come up with own designs.

I have aspirations to put some embroidery on t-shirts or a bag or something.

I’m also doing a bunch of reading. I’ll be heading to the Savannah Book Festival again this year, and I just joined a new book club with a bunch of people whom I either barely know or haven’t seen in years. So that’s been a change of pace. I’m sure there will be another book post later– I totally have time.