Kvetch-Fest

I sat down on the couch telling myself that I just wasn’t going to post tonight. I’m too grouchy. I am overtired and currently suffering from a spa-LIT-ing headache. It’s possible that the headache is because I’ve been detoxing all day, eating a massive pile of cabbage, leeks, and lettuce today after overindulging in Southern comfort food for a week, and now my body is processing toxins and some such. Or possibly I have a caffeine-induced headache because after eating so many vegetables today I ate a large handful of chocolate chips. Whatever it is, something’s going on. So I’m washing down the ibuprofen with green tea in a desperate attempt to fix whatever it is.

But then I realized that I wasn’t going to get sucked into a tv show because we have basketball on. Cute W is poised to win the entire bracket. I’ve been rooting against him, actually, because he needed Louisville to lose and personally, I think that the team that suffered a vomit-on-the-court-inducing compound fracture should just get to win the whole thing. If he were going to win serious money, I might be swayed, but apparently it’s just for glory. I think money is more enjoyable than glory, but that’s because I’m just not a huge sporting spectator.

Anyway, I started poking around the internet, and I was complaining to myself about pretty much everything. So I thought I’d complain to you, instead. Here’s what’s irritating me right now.

• I’m getting tired of all of those posts about all the many foods I’m not supposed to be eating. Doesn’t it feel like everything is bad for us? It’s either whole food groups (meat, dairy) or staples (bread) or sneaky-ass ingredients that are in foods that I thought were healthful (I don’t know, they all have complicated names, but you know what I mean). It’s just too discouraging. I mean, you have to become, like, a food hobbyist to eat correctly. Gardening, baking, preserving, producing. Or be wealthy and hire a chef.
• I am so unbelievably fed up with M’s soccer. The practice schedule has changed about four times this year already. We get emails from all different sources and they occasionally contradict each other. And apparently I was missing a whole category of emails without knowing it, so now I may or may not have missed out on signing M up for a bunch of tournaments. Except maybe I’m panicking for nothing. I have no idea. And we have this system in which we’re supposed to mark our availability for various practices, games, and tournaments on a website, except there’s no mention of any of these tournaments on the website either. It is crazy-making, I tell you.
• “[D]rab, dishwater-lit Schenectady”? Screw you, Entertainment Weekly [and no, I’m not linking to you]. Check other reviews or read Leah the Nosher’s account of filming The Place Beyond the Pines in her house over on All Over Albany instead.
• I got another one of those direct-marketing your-child-should-be-in-a-beauty-pageant mailings today. This always fills me with rage.
• Twice in a row I’ve gotten audiobooks that are not good enough for me to want to finish, but of course I want to know how they turn out. And because they’re audiobooks, I can’t skim. Many, I hate that.
• My children avoid their vitamins daily. We’re talking about delicious, gummy vitamins. I mean, seriously: where is the hardship here? I set out multi-vitamins plus extra D and the girls either 1) complain or 2) ignore the vitamins or 3) complain as if they are about to eat them, and then hide and ignore them. Often the vitamins are out next to the breakfast plates and then the girls have left for school and the vitamins are still there, and so then I leave them out for later. And then they’re waiting for the girls after school and the girls see them and groan, like I’m Mommy Dearest pulling out the liver for breakfast. These aren’t liver! They are fruity bites of deliciousness. I mean, seriously. When Cute W and I were kids, we’d get those weird-smelling Flintstones vitamins and you know what? They were kind of good. We enjoyed them. And today’s vitamins are much better–it’s like getting candy for breakfast! These children are so spoiled they don’t even know how spoiled they are.

Phew. . . thank you. I feel better now. Hey, it was a gorgeous day, huh? Supposed to be lovely tomorrow, too.