I Am So Unbelievably High-Fashion And I Wasn’t Even Trying

Recently I was gifted with a stack of glossy fashion-and-beauty magazines. I don’t buy these magazines myself. I am fussy about magazines, really. Mostly because they make me feel covetous and inadequate. Fitness magazines make me feel unfit, house-and-garden magazines make me loathe my house, and beauty-and-fashion magazines, predictably enough, tend to make me feel frumpy and plain. When I’m supposed to be inspired, I tend to get discouraged instead.

But not this time.

Because paging through Allure, I learned that I’m entirely on top of the very latest hair trend. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. It’s grunge hair. The fashionistas say that “haphazard” parts and hair that appears “not so fresh” were “all over” this season’s runways. The hottest models are sporting looks like the “rumpled ponytail” and “faded streaks.”

Apparently they’re following my lead.

What’s particularly awesome about being a woman with amazingly prescient hair fashion instincts is that I don’t just look fabulous. I look fabulous with minimal effort.

For example, the model in Allure  achieves the “lived in” look with the help of three different hair products (c. $50), twisting and blow-drying by a stylist, and the final, crowning effect: “Brown eye shadow on the roots to make them appear as if they hadn’t been colored in months.”

I just roll out of bed and finger-comb my hair. I let the faded-out Sun-In (c. $5) and my body’s natural oils do the rest!

Gorgeous!

Of course, it helps that I am blessed by nature. I mean, hair-wise, I pretty much won that “genetic lottery” that Cameron Russell discusses in her Ted Talk. For example, look forward to another upcoming trend: the big rat’s nest in the back of the head.

Now, that’s what I call hot.

I’m particularly grateful that these gifts have been passed on to my daughters. In fact, as I was writing this post, the girls arrived at my side and both of them–both of them, I tell you!–had sculpted the most gorgeous “rumpled ponytail” looks.  I asked if they’d be willing to model their looks for me, but only J consented:

It may surprise you to learn that she managed this without help from any stylists or product whatsoever.While this particular look was achieved with tap water, finger-brushing, and then a multi-hour regimen of of cartwheels and split-leaps, it’s possible to achieve similar results while remaining almost completely sedentary. Gosh, speaking of sedentary, I wonder if I might be secretly awesome at working out and organizing my home without knowing it? It’s time to go magazine shopping!